Melbourne Botanical Gardens

Melbourne fountain - JDM Media

Some building - JDM Media

The Melbourne council has failed its tourists because it does not emphasis the dangers of the Botanical Gardens. I believe it may be a ploy to attract the unaware traveler to the place, so that they do not feel as though the gardens are a bad investment.

Where do I begin.

The other day Agathe and I went down to the botanical gardens. She had one of those walking tour guides where you follow the numbers on the map. For the first twenty minutes we thought we were in the Botanic gardens. We were wrong.

A gate to the gardens
- JDM Media

After a wander past a few statues of people we didn't really know, we came to a gate covered in spikes about 4 inches long. The arch above was wrapped in barbed wire. It looked like the teeth of a monstrous guard dog. Beside the door a sign read “closes at sunset”.

Despite the savage entrance and the sighting of plants shaped like lost souls we entered. These were the true botanical gardens.

Light through the trees - JDM Media

Past the gate we saw no one, only a path flanked by trees and plants of all categories. There was something serene about the place. The sweet scent of fresh fauna seeped into our lungs and any fear the gate had created was instantly expelled. The path beckoned, and so we followed without question.

As dancing birds and whispering trees passed on either side, we came to a clearing. It was a small area of grass with a garden of pink bushes and a lonely blossoming tree. Agathe told me it was her favorite tree, a Jacaranda mimosifolia. It reminded me of the rose from Beauty and the Beast whose petals slowly fell one by one, the last marking the beast’s inability to escape his curse.

Jacaranda Mimosifolia - JDM Media

We lay down in the grass for a while. We didn't say anything, just stared at the sky occasionally taking a picture of the tree and the bush. It was picture perfect. Colors seemed not to match their objects, as if the entire area were an impressionist painting. A small boy ran by chasing birds. His father walked briskly behind him leaving his pram unattended.

Little did he know the evil that his crisps, left behind unguarded on the pushchair, would unleash.

No brochure warned us. No sign gave us guidance. No information office advised us.

They came from nowhere, creating black voids of avian shapes dashing across the picturesque gardens. They sat on benches and hoped across the grass. I’m talking, of course, about crows.

Demon head turn

I saw one of the little horrors on a bench next to the blossom tree. It head was turned completely to see behind. An ability of demons I assume.

Phase out

One of the scariest things about crows is their ability to phase in and out of existence. I am proud of the following picture. It’s difficult to photography something phasing out of existence.

Crisp steal

Once the crows had caught the scent of the crisps (and fear), they came in a pair. They tore the packet from the prams womb. Its rustling cries echoed in the clearing. I couldn't bear to watch, but my camera’s eye is merciless.

Crisp steal phase out

After stealing the newborn chip bag, the pair took a second to torture it slightly before being summoned back to their master. The crows faded out of existence midflight, taking the bag with them.

We fled the gardens after that, leaving the observation tower and a strange ball monument in our wake. I will never forget the incident with the crows. I will never speak of it again, lest history repeat itself.

The devils garden - JDM Media

-         - James