My Voodoo Van

The Moon

So I've been wondering for a few days why my van is so cheap.

I was worried that maybe there was something wrong with the engine, but the only thing thats happened so far is the battery has gone flat. Thats easy to fix though, so no biggy. A few rides around and I'm starting to think that maybe I got lucky.

So today, extremely happy with my purchase I started going through, cleaning it out and taking an inventory of all the items. In there I found everything I'll ever need camping. I have pots pans, knives, forks, plates, tools, torches, hot plates, propane, spare parts, a music player, the list goes on.

Ma stooff

The inside was clean too.

So why the phoque was it only $1500. Is it some kind of miracle, sent from the gods to push me on my way. Is, for once, absolutely nothing going to go wrong. Something always goes wrong. Why is she so cheap?

Well, I'll tell you why. It's because of this.

CRAZY VOODOO DOLLS

That's right, part of my inventory is the previous owners and they've been turned into voodoo dolls. This van is a crazy voodoo van that turns the previous owners into little dolls to travel in the back forever and ever and ever. 

And that's the price I have to pay for a cheap mini van, $1500 and my soul. Anyway the dolls came with a notes in some mysterious incomprehensible language which turned out to be German. Luckily I made two German friends the week before and Olivia helped me out. 

'sorrow-dolls' from Guatemala.
People say the children from Guatemala tell the dolls their worries/sorrow before they go to bed. Only one problem per doll. Then they put it underneath  their pillow. By the time they wake up the next morning all the worries are gone. 

I'll be riding worry free.

- James

James McCafferty - Home Owner

I, James McCafferty, have officially purchased my first home. There she is above, isn't she a beauty. 

This morning one of my hosts found the ad on Gumtree for a  camper van. "Thought you'd be interested," said my host very Australianly. 

 Well, I was. So I called the guy and I was all like, "Your van still available?" and he was all like, "Yeh." Then I was like, "When can I see it?" and he was all like "whenever."

So at lunch I rolled into Darwin and took a look. I saw it right away I knew it had everything. 

Doors

Wheels

Mirrors

Locks

This fence stuff

A smiley face air fresher 

Lights

And so a little negotiation, a test drive and $1500 later I was taking home her home. If she runs for more than a month a $1500 camper van is a steal on the market. So right now I consider myself lucky. 

This also marks one of my goals on my Australia bucket list. I've bought a camper van, so now all I have to do before leaving is get out of this country with more money than I came with. It's doable especially with a van. 

I had some other stuff to say, but game of thrones is on soon so I'm just gonna let you bask in the glory of my vans pictures. Soon she will be named. But her name must be earned first. 

- James

Bartholomew the Corella

DISCLAIMER: I may or may not have taken the following pictures of myself

Yesterday, we were feeding the Corellas that come to the front of the house every evening. I've renamed them pussy-birds because they are the biggest pussies in the world. They come down for a feed but if you so much as looked badly they'll fly away back to the trees and yell at you. 

They're rude too. They'll beat up other birds for feed. Assholes.

All except Bartholomew of course. As they say regularly in this country, Bartholomew is a good c*nt. 

Here are some pictures of me taming a wild bird. 

Inspiring. Anyway you know what else I found out today. In Australia kids still get the cane at school.

Yeh I know, wtf is with that. I know in this country they are a little behind on some things but to me getting the cane at school is ancient history. It's okay though, cause parents have to sign a paper before the schools allowed to beat their children. So that's a positive.

One of the kids that will enter this brutal, salts of the earth system is Kya. She's one and a half. She'll have a brother in the next few weeks.

Kya fits in here because she was the one who ran up to the bird and started trying to pat it. When we saw it wasn't scared of her we moved in. Then Kira-J got hold of my camera and wouldn't stop taking pictures. Here's a little gallery for you, internet.

 - James

Best job in the world

A few days ago I entered the best job in the world competition. You had to make a thirty second video to say why you should get the job. There were six options.

Outback Adventurer: I'm a man of adventure and self-proclaimed master of the outback. Perfect job for me.

Park Ranger: Once when I was a teenager I got a ticket for being in a park too late. That's how enthusiastic I am about parks. They have to choose me.

Wildlife Caretaker: Again, in my teenage years a squirrel came to me out of the forest. I learned that day that I could talk to animals cause it told me, "Tut tut tut tut, tut tut tut." So this job is pretty much my destiny.

Taste Master: I like food

Lifestyle photographer: Well this was the one that really caught my eye. Problem is it would be in Melbourne so I would basically be going back to where I was before. But I'm not going to complain if I get a $50,000 photography contract and $50,000 expenses. I'm fine with that.

Chief Funster: This was in Sydney. FU Sydney. You don't get a video.

So that's it. These are my submissions and if the stars are aligned I might get a cool job. If not I'll just sick to the road. Life could go either way. Both path are good, ones just more financially secure than the other.

- James